BDSM for Beginners

If we hear BDSM, I bet we can think about the Fifty Shades of Grey type of love-making. And yes, that's that and a whole lot more. Although a lot of people are already into BDSM for as early as 5th century BC, the movie brought it into the mainstream and raised more interest. BDSM, an acronym for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism, is one of the most common sexual fetishes in the world. It's an umbrella term that covers a range of sexual and non-sexual activities and roleplaying.

This topic and practice may sound intimidating and offensive to some, but let's face it. It's already out there, and a lot of couples are slowly getting into the game. The practice of BDSM holds no place for judgment, and couples can always explore different parts of it that they're comfortable in. What's important is that both parties are actively involved and communicative about the whole thing. Plus, there are ways to combine sex, power, and pain in a healthy manner. Thus, spicing up your sex life for sure.

Let's try to understand each part of the practice and the activities:

It is the act of physically restraining your partner in a variety of ways for aesthetic, erotic, or somatosensory stimulation. This can be done with handcuffs, rope knots, bondage tapes, blindfolds, plastic wraps, and more.

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Controlling a partner's behavior by giving physical or psychological punishments. This part can also be practiced in a non-sexual way. Consequently, this practice can also involve rewards because of obedience, depending on the couples doing it.

In BDSM play, this is the exchange of power between partners. The dominant has full control over the other, the submissive. This is where the submissive is expected to do anything in the service of the dominant one. The application is not restricted to the bedroom only. Some couples even practice this to control their relationship as a whole. It is also important to note that women should not always be the submissive ones because there are men who prefer this role more than being dominant. Further, one can even be a switch. It is when you are willing to change roles for different partners and activities.

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Sexual sadomasochism only functions well if one is a sexual sadist and the other is a masochist. A sexual sadist gets sexually aroused by inflicting psychological or physical pain to his partner, which is, of course, with consent. The masochist, on the other hand, derives sexual pleasure from receiving pain in any form. This is where impact play comes in. Others enjoy spanking, paddling, hitting, and such. If balance is present, expect for a great exchange of mutually pleasurable activities that will surely leave you both wanting more. Like submission and dominance, women don't always have to play the masochist role. It could always be the other way around.

Either of these practices can also include roleplaying. The most commonly used ones are the daddy and daughter, and student and teacher play. A lot of people find this arousing. In fact, we have a big group of girls at Sex Island and Good Girls Live who are very open to roleplaying. BDSM also features the art of orgasm control, making the experience longer and more pleasurable for both parties.

If this is something that you already practice, or you are dying to explore, here are some things to put in mind.

Whatever you both wish to explore and perform, you should know that consent is crucial. Before doing anything, know which kind of activities give your partner pleasure and to what extent are you both willing to perform to meet those sexual fantasies. It would help if you openly communicate with each other your needs before, during, and after the play scenes. Plus, is the BDSM play only during sex, or does it also apply to the whole relationship. These discussions are vital to maintaining the healthiness of the relationship, and the privacy and safety of both parties.

This concept may be too much for some, but remember that BDSM can only be as hardcore as you want it to be. It does not always have to be pain-inflicting and harsh. In fact, it should be rooted in pleasure. Anything that you do with each other should be intended to give pleasurable experiences to both of you. To have a healthy BDSM relationship, your goal should be to please each other and know the boundaries of both. It should be driven by the desire to have a fulfilling, pleasurable, healthy, and creative relationship. That is why it is necessary to constantly communicate with your partner to ensure that you're both on the same page. In a Sub-Dom relationship, there should always be balance. It is essential that the dominant is responsible and sensitive enough, and that the submissive is not overly vulnerable. Aftercare is necessary to ensure that you both feel safe and cared for.

If this is something that excites and arouses you, don't be hesitant to share it with your partner. Who knows, you might have the same fetish, but you've just been hiding it. A healthy relationship should always be open. Explain it to your partner and be specific about the types of activities that you might be doing, such as spanking, cuffing, all the dirty talk, and more. It is not going to be easy at first, but when you really communicate about it, you're on your way to a hotter sex life and a healthier relationship.